Chapter 9
9:1 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
9:2 And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.
9:3 Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.
- Finally, at least humans are allowed to be carnivorous!
9:4 But flesh with the life thereof, which is the blood thereof, shall ye not eat.
9:5 And surely your blood of your lives will I require; at the hand of every beast will I require it, and at the hand of man; at the hand of every man’s brother will I require the life of man.
9:6 Whoso sheddeth man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.
9:7 And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth, and multiply therein.
9:8 And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying,
9:9 And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you;
9:10 And with every living creature that is with you, of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you; from all that go out of the ark, to every beast of the earth.
9:11 And I will establish my covenant with you, neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.
- But then, why do floods still occur?
9:12 And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations:
9:13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.
- Apparently, God fails to realize that a rainbow is a simple refraction effect from sunlight against water droplets. A rainbow does not exist “in the cloud”; it doesn’t exist at all: it is an optical illusion. Anyone who owns a garden hose can produce a rainbow on a sunny day with no clouds. So is that all that this “covenant” is — an illusion?
9:14 And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud:
9:15 And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.
9:16 And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth.
- Is the LORD saying that he needs the rainbow just to remember this “covenant”? Isn’t his memory supposed to be a little better than that?
9:17 And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.
9:18 And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, and Ham, and Japheth: and Ham is the father of Canaan.
9:19 These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.
- Again, just like with Adam and Eve, we have a very serious genetic bottleneck here. How did they “overspread” the earth with just eight genetic samples?
This also applies to the animals that came from the Ark, most of which had only two genetic samples.
9:20 And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:
- Growing a vineyard — naturally, the most perfect, noble thing to do for the most righteous human being in the world.
9:21 And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.
- Noah the Righteous lay drunk and naked in his “tent.” Remind me what exactly possessed God to save Noah, and not some other person who is, perhaps, not such a raging alcoholic? Why was he laying around naked?
9:22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.
9:23 And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father’s nakedness.
9:24 And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.
9:25 And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.
- Ham sees Noah naked in his tent and tells his brothers Shem and Japheth about it.
- Shem and Japheth cover up Noah without looking at him.
- Noah wakes up hungover and curses Canaan (???) because Ham had done something “unto him.”
What just happened? Let’s review the order of events:
Of all the WTF-worthy moments in the Bible, this has to be one of the greatest.
What did Ham do “unto” Noah while he was naked and passed-out, and how did Noah realize it?
Noah cursed Canaan to be the servant of his brothers, despite the fact that Canaan had nothing to do with any of this! It doesn’t get more righteous than that.
9:26 And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
9:27 God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
9:28 And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years.
9:29 And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years: and he died.
We still have no information about what happens to people “after” they die. I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to know if Noah or any of the other Biblical figures went to “heaven” or “hell”? Apparently, according to this author, nothing happens: “and he died.” That’s it.
Curious that God reestablishes the cycle of evil all over again. He felt he had to destroy the entire world, but the patriarch He selects to repopulte the planet immediately sets the stage for conflict and bloodshed up to the present day.
According to Robert Alter in “the five books of moses”, some scholars believe that the story with Ham-Noah might have involved some, um, you know, like, maybe Ham was a little light in the sandals, and noah must have looked quite fetching passed out on the floor and..
If you nitpicked the entire bible like this, I would read the entire bible. It’s that awesome. (yes, I have heard of the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible, but your commentarty is much better.)
Genesis is by far the most hard to believe book in the Bible. I have read SAB and other sites like it. Though it seems you can destroy the entire Christian faith with this one section.
But a real problem I see is a lack of a time table.
and some descriptive writing.
x amount of time.
Adam spent naming animals 1day 10million years?
Could the garden of eden ben serperated from certian animals? Maybe dinosaurs roamed outside the garden??
If you read the book of enoch that does go a little deeper BUT it wasn’t accepted as a biblical book.
Also if we knew what happened after death would we care about living?
I guess faith is knowing.
Evan, while I would too, other than genesis there’s not really much to nitpick. Genesis is the most absurb piece of literature ever. It was very hard to sit down and read it without laughing at how silly it is. (I made it to about the beginning of Pslams and decided I should stop. It was too painful.)
After reading passage after passage of: “I will kill all heathens.” “All heathens are evil” “All heathens are foolish” “Everyone of a different religion must die” over and over I wanted to puke.
Anyway, this is AWESOME to say the least.
The Bible is unclear as to the actual sin; the talmud claims that Ham sodomized his father Noah, however other scriptural passages show the contrary,
Lev 18:6 “None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness: I am Yahweh.”
Lev 18:10 “The nakedness of thy son’s daughter, or of thy daughter’s daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thy own nakedness.”
Lev 18:16 “Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother’s wife: it is thy brother’s nakedness.”
Lev 20:20 “And if a man shall lie with his uncle’s wife, he hath uncovered his uncle’s nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.”
Lev 18:10 “The nakedness of thy son’s daughter, or of thy daughter’s daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover: for theirs is thy own nakedness.”
So far, all I can see for the sin of “uncovering someone’s nakedness” is sexual, however all of these items listed are obviously incestuous, not showing anything to do with the sexual disorientation of homo-sexuality, therefore it is clear that Ham did not sodomize Noah, he did something otherwise in a means of sexual defilement, now let us read about “uncovering thy father’s nakedness”;
Lev 18:8 The nakedness of thy father’s wife shalt thou not uncover: it is thy father’s nakedness.
Lev 20:11 And the man that lieth with his father’s wife hath uncovered his father’s nakedness; both of them shall surely be put to death: their blood shall be upon them.
It is clear here that Ham using the fact that Noah, and probably his wife also, became heavily intoxicated, violated his own mother and conceived a son, a product of incest, this was Canaan. Some will try to sat that it clearly states that when Noah woke up he cursed Ham’s son Canaan, so it was the same day, but in Biblical language, that could have been months later, or a curse upon the possible inbred offspring in advance, either way, Canaan was cursed as an inbreed, the product of Ham and his mother. Proof of this can be found all over in the prophecies where the Canaanites are often called “Children of Incest”, they would not have been incestuous if Noah had a second wife, so it was Ham’s own mother that he violated in the night.
“Proof of this can be found all over in the prophecies where the Canaanites are often called “Children of Incest”, they would not have been incestuous if Noah had a second wife, so it was Ham’s own mother that he violated in the night.”
…That’s HOT.
It is clear Ham certainly did NOT have sex with his mother as cannan was already born otherwise how would Noah curse cannan(if he hadnt been born Noah wouldnt have known his name)Dickhead. No one really knows what happened but I would suggest Ham raped Noah.
The Truth will set you free, but it seems the ignorant would rather still be trapped in darkness, APPLAUDING the appalling notion of having sexual relations with one’s OWN mother, and/or settling on other, equally disturbing and reprehensible behaviors to explain what happened with Noah and his son Ham, not because these reasonings make sense or have enough basis in fact-but because they simply sound the most vile or corrupt. Maddness!!! What’s “HOT”…is the Place where the souls of those that have minds filled with the aforementioned ‘darkness’ will spend their eternal vacations….unless you take reading of the Most Holy Book more seriously and find Jesus in there while you’re at it….
I’m still trying to understand the insinuation that Ham raped either his father or mother. To me it still seems literal that he made fun of his fathers nakedness. His brothers avoided looking at their father and walked in backwards to cover him. Just seems like he was made fun of by Ham. I know I would have laughed and told my siblings if I saw my father laying around naked and they would have avoided looking at him and covered him up too. My father would of course been pissed at me too.
Hello,
Even though I don’t like your moking of God’ word, I will help you with this problem. If you go to Leviticus, you can read about incest laws. Here, you will see that having sex with a man’s wife is to discover the man’s nakedness. Wives were considered to be chattel (tangible property) for quite awhile by the Hebrew people. Now, since Canaan was cursed, it seems to imply that Ham saw what was happening, but he did nothing about it. He went to his brothers and boasted about how his son was dominating their father by taking his wife. That would have been a major challenge to the authority of Noah.
Hello again,
It seems that “All-Righty” needs to do some research. Incest had to be committed when the three brothers and their families went there own way. They didn’t have much of a choice. As far as seeing his father naked being woth getting cursed, that is inane. It was common for men to work in the nude…especially men on boats. Read about Peter when he hurried to get dressed before Jesus saw him. He was fishing with the other disciples naked. Dominance and authority were major tools for prosperity and power. Canaan was attempting to shame Noah, but he failed. Shem and Japeth were loyal sons. However, because of that, Ham lost his standing with his brothers as well as his father. It truly irks me that people like “All-Righty” always envision ancient cultures as behaving and thinking as we do today. “All-Righty” doesn’t seem to understand that God had not yet givem the law to Moses. I think “all-Righty” needs to read about what happened after Sodom and Gomara were destroyed. After Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt, lot found a cave to stay in. Because his two daughters believed that they would have no hubands, they got Lot drunk two nights in a row so that they could have sex with him. According to “All-Righty”, I guess I have a dark and preverted mind which is going to cause me to burn in Hell because I stated what Lot’s two daughters did. People like this will most likely tell others that the wine Christ created from water was grape juice. That’s another inane perception since grape juice wasn’t pasteurized until around 1927. Grape juice would go bad very quickly. Besides, does anybody really believe that “the best wine” means anything besides very well aged wine? Who in there right mind would believe that Jesus created around 126 gallons of grape juice for a wedding party? So, I believe that the bible should be read with an open mind. Also, a little bit of knowledge and imagination should be used regarding what type of culture the people had. After all, cultures vary widely today. Who would believe that there is a tribe in Africa that cuts off the clitorus of young women so that they can get married? If cultures can be that different in one period of time, how much different could ancient cultures have been? Even so, we do have the Bible to help us understand the ancestors of the Israelites. Nuff said!
Hello,
In order to read about what happens after death you will have to read the 7th book of 2 Esdra from the books that weren’t cannonized. The book is supposed to be written by the prophet Ezra. However there are skeptics as to its vakidity. I found a few problems with it myself. Even so, it was interesting.