Jul 27 2000
Remembrances of Columbus, OH
I have only been to Columbus, OH once in my life. Interestingly, this one visit created enough trauma to last a lifetime…
I went down to Columbus with my then-girlfriend during the summer of 2000 to see Eric Idle perform his show which he entitled Liverdance: Eric Idle Exploits Monty Python. The show itself was terrific; it was what happened before the show that had caused the personal anguish.
We stopped by a Wendy’s in downtown Columbus to get a bite to eat before the show. We were finishing up, when Sue went to the restroom. As I was eating the rest of my fries, I saw a slightly overweight black gentleman enter the restaurant. He was walking somewhat oddly and aimlessly. I also noticed that in his hand he was clutching a collection of small dolls dressed in different tiny outfits.
This man proceeded to walk toward my table, and I tried my hardest to turn away and pretend I wasn’t noticing him. I was thinking to myself, “Please, just walk past me!” But, of course, he came by and sat down right beside me at the table. (Let me mention that, throughout this ordeal, the man didn’t say a word, but instead made a lot of disturbing whimpering noises)
He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a bunch of pictures of cartoon characters that he cut out from different magazines and laminated. He laid them out on the table and began to play with them. He also laid out his dolls next to the cartoon characters in a curious circular pattern.
Then he reached down, grabbed my foot, and put it on his lap. He picked up the cartoon characters and began to arrange them on my shoe. (You must understand that, throughout this spectacle, I was completely shocked and dumbfounded, and almost too stunned to move!)
But this was the breaking point. I sharply pulled away my foot, spilling some of the cartoon characters onto the floor. The man squealed gently, picked up the characters and his dolls, and scurried away. A minute later, Sue came back from the restroom, to find me sitting at the table, motionless, unable to speak, and forever traumatized.
This will forever be my image of Columbus.