DmitryBrant.com

This is a song written long ago by Evan Humphreys and performed by him and myself at a company picnic of the now-nonexistent Thermovation Engineering.

It’s hard to believe it’s been four weeks or five
Since the people I worked with were all still alive.
This is a plea for innocence, but it’s a warning, too:
The fate that has doomed me may soon befall you,
If you ever use a terminal screwdriver.

It all started at the open-house at Pepco
Where Michael Brant and I always used to go.
We ate up those clams, we drank from our drinks.
We had no idea that we were on the brink
Of a fatal discovery… of a terminal discovery.

I saw them sitting over on a side table.
I decided to get one if I was able.
The smooth black handle gave no hint of death.
The shiny steel head seemed just the right width
For a terminal screwdriver… for those 6mm Entrelecs.

When Michael dropped me off later that night
I left it on his dashboard just by mistake
When Bonnie asked me where he was the next day,
I assumed it was the vodka which had made him late
Not a terminal screwdriver. How was I to know?

I was horrified when I saw the grizzly scene
Michael stabbed to death on the vinyl seat!
But I didn’t consider the cause of his expiring
As I picked up the tool ’cause I still had to do some wiring
With the terminal screwdriver. It was the terminal screwdriver.

Well over at storage I was working with Jim,
And I went out to get us both some lunch.
Returning, I found him with little holes in his head,
His body trapped under the green lead punch.
And I began to wonder about the terminal screwdriver.

When I finished work at ProFab the next day,
I left it sitting in the panel.
To my horror, I found the following morning,
Lou’s heart was punctured right through his flanel
By the terminal screwdriver. It is a terminal screwdriver.

Now I’m in jail and I’m awaiting my fate.
I tried to tell them, but it may be too late.
It’s back at the office, ’cause they’re sure I was the killer.
They’ll know what it really is when they find Mr. Miller.
It is a terminal screwdriver.
Yes… it’s terminal.